eScams Collide

  Dan Shea       August 25, 2007      Weekend Wonk

FROM: Koffi Mensah-Maafo (koffimensahmaafo@geemail.com)
TO: Dear Friend: kZinSky_4_Prez (anar-key-21@nohope4man.net)
SUBJECT: Your Urgent need for Money business relationship sir!

Dear prospectively partner,

This is Honorable lowly Koffi Mensah-Maafo writing for you, being behalf of Very Honorable Mr. Iwo Kepsaan Otoo, the much slain upon Former Minister of Richness of Ghana.

Being free now from enemies domestic by Exiling, His Ministerness is wanting interest in property purchase, estate procure-ishment, or and landed space in your country. He must complete PRIVATELY conceal, reasons of pride and legal reasons genocide, for the time, his identity. He wants for partnership discreet, trust, reliability. He wants for, thus, you for overseas agent. If accepting, You receive a 20% Investors Fee, on the invested funds, plus 3% of Proceeds, adjusted at closing.

His Ministership has allocated now $9 billion (funds from Ghana economy NOT raping, promises) with for this and, chances, other purchasing futurely. As giving for good faithness, Mr. Kepsaan Otoo has $3000.oo for sending you, for Agent For Commission endowment. I ask to thusly have you assure for me to your capability now to accept this responsibility. Please accept payment as this, to you a Money Order of His faith payment $3000, but for you to be an overseas agent, to get 20% Investment Fee plus 3% adjusted closing gross (as per discussed prior paragraph), $1000.oo must be returned (for being of good faith His $3000) to His Ministerhood’s PayPal account. These reasons, top secret-ness is.

If for responsibility and Urgent Money relationship you are, please email Honorable lowly Koffi Mensah-Maafo personally (koffimensahmaafo@geemail.com)

Regards,

Mr. Koffi Mensah-Maafo

FROM: kZinSky_4_Prez (anar-key-21@nohope4man.net)
TO: Koffi Mensah-Maafo (koffimensahmaafo@geemail.com)
SUBJECT: RE: Your Urgent need for Money business relationship sir!
ATTACHMENT: Birthday Card for Mr. Iwo Kepsaan Otoo.exe

Dear Koffi,

I was SO EXCITED to get your letter regarding Mr. Kepsaan Otoo’s interest in property purchase and estate procure-ishment! I am an old fan of His Ministerness’s genocidal political playbook, and I look forward to acting as His overseas agent, whatever that entails.

Right off the bat, I’d recommend against buying property in the vicinity of the business district of a major city to be named in the near future (some friends of mine have designs for sudden, major renovations soon, wink-wink). He might also shy away from lots along hurricane zones, fault lines, tornado corridors, or otherwise in Texas (just a bad area). Assuming the Revolution comes soon, your best investments may be in isolated mountainous states, Montana being my personal favorite.

As for Mr. Otoo’s payment of faith, I am more than willing to accept or pay or receive or whatever. I have included my home address, social security number, credit card info (just in case) and all other pertinent information in an Attachment designed specifically for The Minister Himself. As a longtime fan, I happen to know that His birthday was just last week, so as part of my “faith” payment to Him, I include this tribute. Please open and save to hard drive. It uses an older Flash code, so just disable any filters you may have regardless of pop-up warnings.

Hopefully,

Mr. I.M. Cureforsociety

FROM: Koffi Mensah-Maafo
TO: kZinSky_4_Prez
SUBJECT: Minister Kepsaan Otoo’s Offer

Dear Mr. Cureforsociety,

His Ministership wishes for his behalf that I be thanking profusely to you. His search for trusty and faithful an agent has been for a long time. For hope now given to Him, He is ready for sending $3000.oo to you and $1000.oo receiving for you.

Understand, Mr. Otoo is concerned about opening Attachments, of any, for legal fears, and rational internet afraid fears. He wishes for his behalf that I thanking for you birthday wishes also, but asking for you to send financial contact info in email text instead?

Koffi

FROM: kZinSky_4_Prez
TO: Koffi Mensah-Maafo
SUBJECT: RE: Minister Kepsaan Otoo’s Offer
ATTACHMENT: Ghana Hottie Sophie.jpg/“D+J=KillErWorm5.1.exe”

Koffi,

I really, REALLY want to work with The EX-Minister here, but I must admit that you’ve insulted me over this Birthday Attachment thing. Dammit, I put a lot of work into that e-card, you know!

Okay, I’m sorry. Let’s let bygones be bygones. I’d still like to send you $1000.oo or whatever, so please accept this picture of one of your local babes as an apology. I believe her name is Sophie. Please please open it and save to hard drive. If you forgive me, just send Mr. Otoo’s PayPal address so I can give him a thousand bucks. Better send his password too, just in case.

Signed,

I.M. Cureforsociety

FROM: Koffi Mensah-Maafo
TO: kZinSky_4_Prez
SUBJECT: Is that you Danny?!

OH… MY… GOD!!! Danny Finnerty?!! Is that you?!!

It’s me, Julie Kowaltzki! Remember, from MIT, Class of ‘98?! I should have known by “I.M. Cureforsociety” (I remember that was always your pen name in the Poetry Club), or even by your irrational hatred for your home state of Texas, but I didn’t snap until I noticed good old D+J=KillErWorm! God, he’s up 5.1 now? I remember when he was just a beta virus, not even 1.0 yet! Oh how time flies…

So what are you up to? I mean aside from sticking it to The Man with killer computer viruses and subversive blogging, that is (wink-wink). The whole “kZinSky_4_Prez” bit seems strange now, considering I just read in the Alumni Bulletin that you’re a major stockholder in both Microsoft and IBM. Do I smell sell-out? JK!

Jules

P.S. You want me to teach you how to rename Attachments to hide viruses again, noob? JK!

FROM: kZinSky_4_Prez
TO: Koffi Mensah-Maafo
SUBJECT: RE: Is that you Danny?!

Julie The Bully! I thought I’d never hear from you again! Oh, well. JK!

What a small e-world! Of course I remember you! Things are good on my end. And, yes, you can call me a sell-out, cuz I do have controlling interest in IBM and a 15-figure investment in Microsoft, but it’s so hard to let go of old habits, you know? And, also yes, D+J=KillErWorm is really coming into his own as a computer virus. It’s been like a waking dream just watching him grow. He asks about you every now and then, or at least about your password. I thought you should know.

But what about YOU, Ms. U.S. Ambassador to Ghana? Really, congratulations on the post; you’ve certainly parlayed that Minor in Sociology into something big, Jules! Or should I say “Koffi?”

To be honest with you, though, the whole “My Broken English Is Barely Better Than My Stupid Filthy Rich Exiled Boss’s Broken English” act was WAY over the top! I mean, seriously now, Yoda! Nonetheless, it’s a very impressive side job, that whole prosecution-proof African ’net scam.

Danny

P.S. You going to the reunion next year?